The Art of Unselfish Living
Charles Swindoll
What it looks like to genuinely serve others without an agenda, recognition, or a running tab.
The greatest leaders in history were servants first. Swindoll identifies the attitudes that distinguish genuine servants from people who merely perform acts of service: humility, transparency, generosity, and an absence of self-promotion.
Everything Swindoll wants you to walk away with
The world measures greatness by how high you rise. Jesus measured it by how low you'll go to meet someone's need. The towel and basin — washing his disciples' feet — is the defining image of what real leadership looks like.
The moment you serve primarily for recognition, you have stopped serving and started performing. Genuine service is done because the need exists, not because anyone is watching or keeping track.
Hidden service purifies motive and reshapes the heart more deeply than any public ministry can. The servant who cleans up after the event, who prays in secret, who gives anonymously — they're doing the real work of character formation.
Most people are willing to serve when there's a stage. The question is whether you'll do it when there's no applause, no thank-you, and no one even knows your name. That's where servanthood becomes something real.
You can perform acts of service without having a servant's heart. The difference is in the attitudes beneath the actions. Swindoll identifies specific internal postures that separate genuine servants from people who merely look like them.
It's easy to be gracious to your boss or your biggest client. The real measure is how you treat the waiter, the janitor, the person who has nothing to offer you in return.
Servanthood is caught more than taught. It's transmitted through proximity, shared meals, ordinary moments. The people in your life learn far more from watching you serve than from hearing you talk about it.
Nobody drifts into genuine service. Your flesh will always prefer comfort, recognition, and self-interest. Becoming a servant means fighting those defaults every single day — and doing it cheerfully, not as a martyr.
Writing a check is relatively easy. Giving someone your undivided attention, your Saturday, your inconvenience — that costs something money can't measure. The servant who gives time gives a piece of their life.
Servant leadership isn't soft — it's the most demanding and most effective form of influence. People follow servant leaders not because they have to but because they want to. The difference shows up in loyalty, trust, and lasting impact.
These notes are inspired by direct excerpts and woven together into a readable guide you can follow from start to finish.
By Charles Swindoll
When Jesus took the time to explain His reason for coming among us, He was simple and direct: to serve and to give. Not to be served. Not to grab the spotlight in the center ring.
“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.”
— Mark 10:45
Consider Isaiah’s prophecy of the coming Messiah. God says: “Behold, My Servant. He will not cry out or raise His voice, nor make His voice heard in the street. A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish; He will faithfully bring forth justice” (Isaiah 42:1–3). How unusual those words must have sounded. God proclaimed ages before it happened that the Savior would come as a gentle servant—a leader who would transform the world and bring forth justice, but not with loud harangues or offensive threats. He would do it with love. Gentle as a lamb. And because He came in peace, as a gentle servant, Jesus Christ would succeed in changing the world forever and bring real, lasting justice.
Serving and giving don’t come naturally. Living an unselfish life is an art.
This is not a book for giving people the warm fuzzies. It’s meant to be applied. You don’t have to be brilliant or gifted to pull off these truths in your life. But you do have to be willing.
Hoarding and flaunting have replaced sharing and caring. But consider what Scripture says plainly: God is committed to one major objective in the lives of all His people—to conform us to “the image of His Son” (Romans 8:29). After bringing you into His family through faith in Christ, God sets His sights on building into you the same serving and giving qualities that characterized Jesus. No mumbo jumbo. Just a straight-from-the-shoulder admission: He came to serve and to give. It makes sense, then, to say that God desires the same for you.
“Whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
— Matthew 20:26–28
You’re probably thinking, “But there must be leadership to get the job done.” Yes—but it must be servant-hearted leadership among all. The point is not which form of government you or your church embraces, but that everyone involved in that ministry—whether leader or not—sees himself as one who serves, one who gives. It’s the attitude that is most important. Perhaps the finest model, except Christ Himself, was Paul—that young Jew from Tarsus who was radically transformed from a strong-willed official in Judaism to a bond servant of Jesus Christ. Almost without exception he begins every piece of correspondence with words to this effect: “Paul, a servant” or “Paul, a bond-slave.”
1. A nondefensive spirit when confronted. This reveals a willingness to be accountable. Genuine humility operates on a simple philosophy: Nothing to prove. Nothing to lose.
2. Staying in touch with others’ struggles. A true servant maintains a humility of mind that continually looks for ways to serve and to give.
Being real—that’s the major message. Be who you really are and then allow the Lord God to develop within you a style of serving that fits you.
“The trouble with success is that the formula is the same as the one for a nervous breakdown.” And what is that formula? Work longer hours, push ahead, let nothing hinder your quest—not your marriage or family, not your convictions or conscience, not your health or friends. Be aggressive, and if necessary mean, as you press toward the top. It’s the same old fortune-fame-power-pleasure line we’ve been fed for decades.
“You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you.”
— 1 Peter 5:5–7
Following God’s directives will bring the one benefit not found in the world’s empty promises: a deep sense of lasting satisfaction. This is the forgotten side of success—and it will come to those who wish to develop the heart of a servant.
We ridicule, we dominate, we criticize. We cut a person to ribbons with our words. And then we develop ways to keep from admitting it: “I’m not dogmatic, I’m just sure of myself.” “I’m not judging, I’m discerning.” “I’m not argumentative, I’m simply trying to prove a point.” “I’m not stubborn, just confident!” All of this comes pouring out of our mouths with hardly a second thought.
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus.”
— Philippians 2:3–5
The picture of a servant is clear: not a getter, but a giver. Not one who holds a grudge, but a forgiver. Not one who keeps score, but a forgetter. Not a superstar, but a servant.
The servant’s posture begins with a prayer: “Lord, show me how You would respond to others, then make it happen in me.” Scripture overflows with instruction on what this posture looks like in practice. You are called to be devoted to one another in brotherly love, giving preference to one another in honor—not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, and practicing hospitality (Romans 12:10–13). Paul himself declared, “We do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your bond-servants for Jesus’ sake” (2 Corinthians 4:5). You were called to freedom—but not freedom for selfish ends; rather, “through love serve one another” (Galatians 5:13). You are to encourage one another and build one another up (1 Thessalonians 5:11) and to stimulate one another to love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24).
Instead of always thinking about receiving, start looking for ways to give. Instead of holding grudges against those who offended you, be anxious to forgive. Instead of keeping a record of what you’ve done or who you’ve helped, take delight in forgetting the deed and being virtually unnoticed.
A great proof of true servanthood is anonymity.
Consider the churches of Macedonia. In a great ordeal of affliction, their abundance of joy and their deep poverty overflowed in the wealth of their generosity. According to their ability—and even beyond their ability—they gave of their own accord, begging for the favor of participating in support of the saints. And this, not as anyone expected, but “they first gave themselves to the Lord and to us by the will of God” (2 Corinthians 8:1–5). The servants in Macedonia first gave themselves and then they gave their gifts.
“Let each one do just as he has purposed in his heart; not grudgingly or under compulsion; for God loves a cheerful giver.”
— 2 Corinthians 9:7
How many people are hurting but don’t feel free to say so until you voluntarily reach out to them? Jesus said, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.” Paul echoes this: “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sake He became poor, that you through His poverty might become rich.” And Scripture promises that “he who is generous will be blessed” (Proverbs 22:9).
Become a giver, and watch God open the hearts of others to Himself.
Forgiveness is not an elective in the curriculum of servanthood. It is a required course, and the exams are always tough to pass.
Begin by reflecting on the forgiveness you yourself have received. God has not dealt with you according to your sins, nor rewarded you according to your wrongs. “For high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:10–12). And Ephesians 4:31–32 calls you to let all bitterness and wrath and anger and slander be put away, along with all malice—to be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Jesus made the point unforgettably in a parable. A king settled accounts with a slave who owed him an incredible debt—about ten million dollars—requiring infinite forgiveness, which the king graciously provided. But that same slave went out and found a fellow slave who owed him a tiny fraction of that amount, seized him, and demanded payment. When the fellow slave begged for patience, the forgiven slave refused and had him thrown in prison. When the king heard, he summoned the unforgiving slave: “You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you entreated me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, even as I had mercy on you?” And the king handed him over to the torturers (Matthew 18:23–34).
You are to forgive as you have been forgiven. Release the poison of all that bitterness—let it gush out before God, and declare the sincere desire to be free. It’s one of the major steps you must take toward becoming God’s model of a servant.
Love “does not take into account a wrong suffered” (1 Corinthians 13:5). It has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. It is not touchy. It does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good people when truth prevails. And Jesus warned: “Do not judge lest you be judged yourselves. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it shall be measured to you” (Matthew 7:1–2).
1. Refusing to keep score (1 Corinthians 13:5).
2. Being bigger than any offense (Psalm 119:165).
3. Harboring no judgmental attitude (Matthew 7:1–5).
Paul modeled this powerfully. He wrote: “Whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (Philippians 3:7–9). He did not claim perfection. But he pressed on with single focus, and woven into his words are three statements that reveal three characteristics of servanthood:
Paul kept bringing all his energies to bear on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, straining to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is calling us up to heaven because of what Christ Jesus did for us (Philippians 3:12–14). Very near the end of his full and productive life, Paul wrote his grand epitaph: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7).
There is a counterfeit version of servanthood that turns people into puppets—slaves without personal dignity, without the privilege to think and ask questions, and without the joy of serving others willingly under the control and authority of Jesus Christ. Weak and meek people can become the prey of paranoid, self-appointed messiahs, resulting not in spiritual growth but in exploitation and the loss of human dignity. True servant-minded thinking is something altogether different.
“I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”
— Romans 12:1–2
Living differently begins with thinking differently. A life characterized by serving others begins in a mind that is convinced of such a life. That is why the great passage describing Christ’s willingness to take upon Himself the form of a servant begins with the words: “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5).
Paul describes the spiritual dimension of this mental battle: “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:3–5). The servant’s prayer captures it simply: “Make me a man who asks of You and of others, what can I do for you?”
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” That’s a favorite question we enjoy asking children. But imagine asking Jesus Christ what He wants you to be when you grow up. He would give the same answer to every one of us: “I want you to be different… to be a servant.” In all of life it’s hard to recall anyone ever saying that when they grew up they wanted to be a servant. Yet serving God necessarily means serving people—especially those who cannot repay. Christ gave the example: “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28).
The scriptural account of Christ’s “Sermon on the Mount” is found in Matthew 5, 6, and 7. If there is one overall theme, it is “Be different!” Time and again He states the way things were among the religious types of the day, and then instructs His listeners to be different. The pattern repeats: “You have heard… but I say to you…” (Matthew 5:21–22, 27–28, 33–34, 38–39, 43–44). In Matthew 6, He further explains how they were to be different when they gave to the needy (6:2), when they prayed (6:5), and when they fasted (6:16). The key verse in the entire sermon is: “Therefore, do not be like them…” (6:8). Jesus saw through all the pride and hypocrisy and was determined to instill in His disciples character traits of humility and authenticity.
In the introduction to Jesus’ sermon, the most familiar section is Matthew 5:1–12, commonly called “The Beatitudes.” This is the most descriptive word-portrait of a servant ever recorded. These are eight character traits that identify true servanthood. When all eight are mixed together in a life, balance emerges. This is not a “multiple choice” list where you pick favorites—these qualities together lead to the different lifestyle that pleases Christ.
In Hebrew the word poor was used to describe the humble and helpless person who puts whole trust in God. This is the portrait of one who sees himself as spiritually bankrupt, deserving of nothing, who turns to Almighty God in total trust. A special promise follows: “for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” The indispensable condition of receiving a part in the kingdom of heaven is acknowledging your spiritual poverty. The person with a servant’s heart—not unlike a child trusting completely in a parent’s provision—is promised a place in Christ’s kingdom.
The opposite attitude is revealed in the Laodicean congregation, whom Christ rebuked severely. They were so proud they were blind to their own selfishness: “You say, ‘I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing,’ and you do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked” (Revelation 3:17).
A satisfactory paraphrase would read: “How happy are those who care intensely for the hurts and sorrows and losses of others.” At the heart of this character trait is compassion—another servant attitude so desperately needed today.
Gentleness includes having strength under control, being calm and peaceful when surrounded by a heated atmosphere, emitting a soothing effect on those who may be angry or beside themselves, and possessing tact and gracious courtesy that causes others to retain their self-esteem and dignity. Clearly it includes a Christlikeness, since the same word describes Jesus Himself: “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28–29).
The true servant possesses an insatiable appetite for what is right, a passionate drive for justice. Spiritually, the servant is engaged in a pursuit of God—a hot, restless, eager longing to walk with Him and please Him. But there is a practical side as well. This includes not just looking upward, pursuing a vertical holiness, but also looking around and being grieved over the corruption, the inequities, the gross lack of integrity, the moral compromises that abound. The servant “hungers and thirsts” for right on earth. Unwilling simply to sigh and shrug off injustice as inevitable, servants press on for righteousness.
1. Those who are genuinely humble before God, who turn to Him in absolute dependence, will be assured of a place in His kingdom.
2. Those who show compassion on behalf of the needy and hurting will receive much comfort in their own lives.
3. Those who are gentle—strong within yet controlled without, who bring soothing graciousness into irritating situations—will win out.
4. Those who have a passionate appetite for righteousness, both heavenly and earthly, will receive from the Lord an unusual measure of personal contentment and satisfaction.
The bottom-line question is not “What do you want to be when you grow up?” but “What are you becoming, now that you’re grown?”